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Can someone edit my scripts?

F

football_45013

Inactive
Inactive User
Hello,

I posted a previous topic asking how to do an aircheck. Someone gave me some advice and I am now working on the aircheck. I am trying to apply for a radio news anchor position and I have to send an aircheck and writing samples. I have written the scripts that I will be sending to the program director and also will be using for my aircheck. However, it has been almost three years since I took a radio newswriting class in college and I can't remember exactly all of the rules and such. We were never required to have a textbook for that class, so I have nothing as a reference. Could somebody look at my scripts below and edit them for me? I know that they are probably really pretty bad right now, but again I have not written one in years. (I actually got an A in the class and was really good at writing radio news script, but that was when I knew exactly how to write one!!) I would really appreciate it. Thanks


TWENTY U.S. SOLDIERS WERE KILLED TODAY IN THE DEADLIEST DAY FOR U.S. FORCES IN TWO YEARS. THIRTEEN SOLDIERS WERE KILLED IN A HELICOPTER CRASH AND SEVEN WERE KILLED BY MILITIA FIGHTERS AND ROADSIDE BOMBS. TODAY’S DEATH TOLL IS THE THIRD HIGHEST OF ANY SINGLE DAY SINCE THE WAR BEGAN.


A FLORENCE MAN IS IN CUSTODY AFTER A GUN DUEL WITH HIS FATHER. POLICE SAY TWENTY ONE YEAR OLD ERIC MAYO SHOT HIS FATHER, FORTY SIX YEAR OLD MIKE MCCANN IN THE ABDOMEN AND RIGHT THIGH. THE FATHER AND SON SQUARED OFF WITH HANDGUNS AFTER AN ARGUMENT ABOUT THE FATHER DATING A YOUNGER WOMAN. MIKE MCCANN WAS AIRLIFTED TO UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL WHERE HIS CONDITION IS UNKNOWN.


MARVIN GENTRY SCORED A CAREER-HIGH THIRTY TWO POINTS AS CINCINNATI BEAT WEST VIRGINIA IN OVERTIME NINETY SIX TO EIGHTY THREE AT FIFTH THIRD BANK ARENA. THE WIN SNAPS A FIVE GAME LOSING STREAK FOR THE BEARCATS.


SNOW IS ON ITS’ WAY TO THE TRISTATE THIS EVENING. METEOROLOGIST TIM HANSON SAYS SNOW WILL START AROUND 7 O’CLOCK TWO. TO THREE INCHES OF ACCUMULATION IS EXPECTED. SNOW WILL TAPER OFF AFTER MIDNIGHT. TOMORROW, PARTLY CLOUDY WITH A HIGH OF 35 DEGREES. IT’S SUNNY AND THIRTY TWO DEGREES RIGHT NOW.
 
football_45013 said:
TWENTY U.S. SOLDIERS WERE KILLED TODAY IN Iraq in THE DEADLIEST DAY FOR U.S. FORCES IN TWO YEARS. THIRTEEN SOLDIERS WERE KILLED IN A HELICOPTER CRASH AND SEVEN WERE KILLED BY MILITIA FIGHTERS AND ROADSIDE BOMBS. TODAY’S DEATH TOLL IS THE THIRD HIGHEST OF ANY SINGLE DAY SINCE THE WAR BEGAN.


A FLORENCE MAN IS IN CUSTODY AFTER A GUN DUEL WITH HIS FATHER. POLICE SAY TWENTY ONE YEAR OLD ERIC MAYO SHOT HIS FATHER, FORTY SIX YEAR OLD MIKE MCCANN IN THE ABDOMEN AND RIGHT THIGH. THE FATHER AND SONapparently SQUARED OFF WITH HANDGUNS AFTER AN ARGUMENT ABOUT THE FATHER DATING A YOUNGER WOMAN. MIKE MCCANN WAS AIRLIFTED TO UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL WHERE HIS CONDITION IS UNKNOWN.


MARVIN GENTRY SCORED A CAREER-HIGH THIRTY TWO POINTS AS CINCINNATI BEAT WEST VIRGINIA IN OVERTIME NINETY SIX TO EIGHTY THREE AT FIFTH THIRD BANK ARENA. THE WIN SNAPS A FIVE GAME LOSING STREAK FOR THE BEARCATS.


WeatherwiseSNOW IS ON ITS’ WAY TO THE TRISTATE THIS EVENING. METEOROLOGIST TIM HANSON SAYS SNOW WILL START AROUND 7 O’CLOCK TWO. TO THREE INCHES OF ACCUMULATION IS EXPECTED. SNOW WILL TAPER OFF AFTER MIDNIGHT. TOMORROW, PARTLY CLOUDY WITH A HIGH OF 35 DEGREES. IT’S SUNNY AND THIRTY TWO DEGREES RIGHT NOW.
Click to expand...


I would rearrange your order so the "local" story comes first. Unless you're reporting on 9-11, lead with something local because it demonstrates that you understand what priorities should be, unless you're dealing with a catastrophe. Good luck.
 
My changes are underlined.

A FLORENCE MAN IS IN CUSTODY TODAY AFTER A GUN DUEL WITH HIS FATHER. POLICE SAY TWENTY ONE YEAR OLD ERIC MAYO SHOT [remove "HIS FATHER"] FORTY SIX YEAR OLD MIKE MCCANN IN THE ABDOMEN AND RIGHT THIGH. THE FATHER AND SON SQUARED OFF WITH HANDGUNS AFTER AN ARGUMENT ABOUT MCCANN DATING A YOUNGER WOMAN. MIKE MCCANN WAS AIRLIFTED TO UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL WHERE HIS CONDITION IS UNKNOWN.

IN NATIONAL NEWS, TWENTY U.S. SOLDIERS WERE KILLED TODAY IN THE DEADLIEST DAY FOR U.S. FORCES IN TWO YEARS. THIRTEEN SOLDIERS WERE KILLED IN A HELICOPTER CRASH IN [location] AND SEVEN WERE KILLED BY MILITIA FIGHTERS AND ROADSIDE BOMBS IN {location]. TODAY’S DEATH TOLL IS THE THIRD HIGHEST OF ANY SINGLE DAY SINCE THE WAR BEGAN.

[ad-lib equivalent of "IN SPORTS"], MARVIN GENTRY SCORED A CAREER-HIGH THIRTY TWO POINTS AS CINCINNATI BEAT WEST VIRGINIA IN OVERTIME NINETY SIX TO EIGHTY THREE AT FIFTH THIRD BANK ARENA. THE WIN SNAPS A FIVE GAME LOSING STREAK FOR THE BEARCATS. THEY'LL FACE [team] AT [arena] ON [date].

[to borrow from u-j...] WEATHERWISE, SNOW IS ON ITS’ WAY TO THE TRISTATE THIS EVENING. [station name] METEOROLOGIST TIM HANSON SAYS SNOW WILL START AROUND 7 O’CLOCK AND WILL TAPER OFF AFTER MIDNIGHT. OVERALL, WE SHOULD EXPECT TWO TO THREE INCHES OF ACCUMULATION. TOMORROW, PARTLY CLOUDY WITH A HIGH OF 35 DEGREES. AT THE MOMENT, IT’S SUNNY AND THIRTY TWO DEGREES OUTSIDE THE [station name] STUDIOS.
 
AT THE MOMENT, IT’S SUNNY AND THIRTY TWO DEGREES OUTSIDE THE [station name] STUDIOS.
Click to expand...

Josh,

Pretty good advice for Football_45013. However...I think giving the temp "outside the (station name) studios" is a bad way to phrase that. Of course it's outside the studio...who the heck wants to know the temp in the studio???

Perhaps Football_45013 should end the weather with one of these instead:


"Currently it's 58 degrees and on your radio it's (frequency / call letters)".

"At (time) it's 42 degrees in (city of license)."

"We've got 44 in (town 1), 46 in (town 2) and it's 43 at (station calls or the name of a local landmark)."

Dave
 
MARVIN GENTRY SCORED A CAREER-HIGH THIRTY TWO POINTS AS CINCINNATI BEAT WEST VIRGINIA IN OVERTIME NINETY SIX TO EIGHTY THREE AT FIFTH THIRD BANK ARENA. THE WIN SNAPS A FIVE GAME LOSING STREAK FOR THE BEARCATS


MARVIN GENTRY'S CAREER-HIGH THIRTY TWO ALLOWED CINCINNATI TO SNAP A FIVE GAME LOSING STREAK AS THE BEARCATS BEAT WEST VIRGINIA NINETY SIX-EIGHTY THREE IN OVERTIME
 
ALWAYS lead with a local or regional story. If you're opening 2 sentences can catch a listener's attention...the odds are good that he (or she) will stick around for the rest of the newscast.

And believe it or not...any weather-related story that's pertinent to your town or state will is an 'instant attention getter!' ;)

argytunes
 
argytunes said:
ALWAYS lead with a local or regional story. If you're opening 2 sentences can catch a listener's attention...the odds are good that he (or she) will stick around for the rest of the newscast.

And believe it or not...any weather-related story that's pertinent to your town or state will is an 'instant attention getter!' ;)

argytunes
Click to expand...

Don't know I agree with that a local or regional story should always lead.

As an avid listener of 700 WLW their lead story could be anything from a car wreck to Anna Nicole to Iran Nukes.

As far as sensationalizing the headlines and especially weather, I completely agree.
 
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