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Am I wrong here?

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MarcB

MarcB

Is it normal to feel this way?

I have a co-worker (yes the same one I mentioned in my post about Denny's) who I get along with really well. Things at work are always better when he's working because despite him being a supervisor he's very chill and un-supervisor like. He treats us all with respect, doesn't think he's better than anyone, and is always willing to help out. We have much in common and we're becoming very good friends. We talk at work all the time. We're starting to hang out outside of work. I call him the younger brother I always wanted.

Now I'm not going to see him until Sunday and I'm feeling a little sad about it. It's not like I'm interested in him in any other way than a friend. I am not gay. Work just won't be as fun without him. Tomorrow he's working until 7PM and that's what time I'm going in. Thursday is my day off. Friday he's getting out at 6PM and I won't be going in until 7PM. Saturday he has off because he and his girlfriend are going the casino.

Is this normal to feel this way?
 
CTListener said:
Ever hear of a "bromance"?
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Looks like the "bromance" could be over. All because of my lame attempt at humor when I was talking talking to another supervisor. It certainly can now make working with him awkward. *sigh* When will I ever learn to keep my big mouth shut? It has gotten me in enough trouble over the years. Here's what happened.

Last night I was having a private conversation with a co-worker. He asked me how my weekend was. I told him that Gavin and I went to Denny's Sunday night and we might be going to Philly in the spring. A supervisor of mine butts in and asks me why I am hanging out with Gavin. I didn't respond, but I was thinking "When I'm off the clock what I do and who I do it with is my business and no one elses."

So about an hour later out of nowhere the same supervisor says to me "Do you smoke weed with Gavin?" And instead of acting surprised and answering What do you mean Gavin smokes weed? I responded with a lame/sarcastic answer of "20 times a day." (Of course that's not true).

Now I'm thinking this supervisor is going to say something to Gavin next time they see each other. When I got home I texted Gavin and told him what happened and apologized. He hadn't responded as of the time I went to sleep. (Then again sometimes he doesn't respond to texts).
 
We snatched you up better'n that at band camp. Now, go to your local library, check out a book and go home and read it.
 
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MarcB said:
Looks like the "bromance" could be over. All because of my lame attempt at humor when I was talking talking to another supervisor. It certainly can now make working with him awkward. *sigh* When will I ever learn to keep my big mouth shut? It has gotten me in enough trouble over the years. Here's what happened.

Last night I was having a private conversation with a co-worker. He asked me how my weekend was. I told him that Gavin and I went to Denny's Sunday night and we might be going to Philly in the spring. A supervisor of mine butts in and asks me why I am hanging out with Gavin. I didn't respond, but I was thinking "When I'm off the clock what I do and who I do it with is my business and no one elses."

So about an hour later out of nowhere the same supervisor says to me "Do you smoke weed with Gavin?" And instead of acting surprised and answering What do you mean Gavin smokes weed? I responded with a lame/sarcastic answer of "20 times a day." (Of course that's not true).

Now I'm thinking this supervisor is going to say something to Gavin next time they see each other. When I got home I texted Gavin and told him what happened and apologized. He hadn't responded as of the time I went to sleep. (Then again sometimes he doesn't respond to texts).
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There's no shame in people admitting they smoke weed in 2016. It's actually pretty mainstream now and in a few years, it will likely be legal from coast to coast. The whole "war" against it was an EPIC disaster from the get-go and now it's impossible to put the genie of legalization back in the bottle.

That said, don't feel too bad. If your supervisor knows Gavin smokes weed and still has him employed, I don't think he's in that much trouble. I think he/she was trying to rib you with it.
 
All is good between Gavin and myself. He just has one more reason to hate that other supervisor. He even told me he thought my "20 times a day" comment was funny.

Also as strange as it seems - the death of my cat Pumpkin (http://www.radiodiscussions.com/showthread.php?691979-R-I-P-Pumpkin-the-cat-(My-Cat)) is another thing Gavin and I have in common. When I showed him a picture of Pumpkin and he saw that Pumpkin was a Tortoise Shell cat he told me that when he was younger he had a Tortoise Shell cat and that she (like my Pumpkin) had thyroid issues too. (The main difference is that his Tortoise Shell cat had to be put down because of a tumor).
 
Not my idea of fun

Somehow during a slow period at work the other night the topic of Disney World in Florida came up. My boss/best friend Gavin asked me if I had ever been. I never had. He told me he had been there twice. Once as a little boy and once as a teenager. He said that he and I should go next year. I told him "Sounds good, bro." In all honesty driving 20 hours to meet Mickey Mouse is not my idea of fun. (Yes I am aware that there is more to Disney than Mickey Mouse). I was thinking we can still drive down to Florid, but go somewhere else. Besides don't you think it would be a bit weird - two guys without kids (I'll be 35 by time we go and he'll be 23) going to Disney World?
 
I don't know if two friends going on vacation is weird, but I wonder what issues this may create with Gavin's other subordinates as it becomes clear you and he are such good friends. In any case, Orlando is always a fun time. I prefer Sea World over Disney myself. If you have to choose a particular park, Epcot would likely be the one most appealing to an adult.
 
umfan said:
I don't know if two friends going on vacation is weird, but I wonder what issues this may create with Gavin's other subordinates as it becomes clear you and he are such good friends.
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He still does things with other friends. This past weekend he went to Mohegan Sun with 3 other people from work - Steve, Karen, and Lauren whom I think he has an interest in.

Then there's a guy who works in the Produce Dept. They've been friends since they were 2 years old. He's the one Gavin took to Disney when they were teenagers.

There's at least one other friend from work who is coming with us when Gavin and I go to Yankees-Redsox for his birthday.

He had some other friends that he had to dump because they started using hardcore drugs (crack, heroin, etc). Gavin's not down with that and neither am I.

And although I never met him I was almost going to invite Gavin's younger brother with us to Philly until I found out what a doodie-head he is. (Sorry for being almost 34 and using words a 3 year old would use). Right before Christmas I needed a ride home and Gavin came and picked me up in his Mom's GMC Terrain. I left one of my bags in the SUV when he dropped me off. So on the 26th when I went down to the store to get my bag from Gavin he called his brother to bring it to the store and his brother refused saying he was still sleeping. It was 11AM. He was either too lazy or too stoned to get out of bed at 11AM. When Gavin called his Mom asking her to bring the bag he told her tell Jake I'm gonna punch him in the head when I get home. Then Gavin was telling me his brother makes fun of him when he hangs out with some of the same guys all time. Finally when I asked Gavin to come over for the Daytona 500 he told me his brother makes fun of him for liking the NASCAR races
 
Having been to both Disney parks I much prefer the original Disneyland to the one in Orlando. The layout of Disneyland is more compact meaning you don't have nearly as far to walk between attractions and there is a lot less humidity in El A as opposed to Orlando. Orlando actually stinks like a jungle with decaying organic material everywhere. If you go to Orlando do it in the winter months. If you go to Disneyland do it when the El A schools are in session.

Epcot was worth visiting and it doesn't exist in El A. I did enjoy that.
 
I think deep inside you're a homosexual. You just don't want to admit it since you're always talking about Gavin. Not judging just giving my opinion.
 
My friend and I were supposed to go to a Yankees-Redsox game for his birthday. I offered to pay since it's his birthday. He insisted that he'd rather pay his own way. Today he sent me a text that some unexpected expenses came up and he won't be able to go to the game. I told him again I'd pay for him since it's his birthday. He texted me back that he can't accept that and he doesn't like it when anyone pays for anything for him. I almost texted him back to say "Then I can't accept you as a friend." I deleted that text instead of sending it.

Now I'm concerned. I spent $150 on a customized New York Giants Jersey for his birthday. There are no returns on customized Jerseys.
 
So give him the jersey and wish him a happy birthday. Next year you will know better. (but I think this will smooth itself over by then)
 
I can understand him not wanting to feel like he "owes" you something. You're not much of a friend if you're willing to end the friendship over his unwillingness to take charity from you, whether it's simply you're way of saying "happy birthday" in your mind or not.

What's the concern? Whether or not to be selfless and give him the jersey anyway? His birthday is still going to happen, regardless of whether the ballpark has you two in it or not. Don't be that guy, Marc. Understand that circumstances may arise, and he genuinely can't justify spending the cash he has on a luxury like attending an MLB game. Give him the jersey, genuinely wish him a happy day, and watch the bond between the two of you grow.
 
Since he's your boss, assuming this is the same person you've been writing about, he shouldn't accept such an expensive gift from you. Since you asked the question, 'Am I Wrong Here', I'm presuming you are seeking advice in this regard. This friendship is a minefield and could result in you losing your job. You wrote you had already been disciplined by a more senior manager. Since your friend/boss apparently can't articulate appropriate boundaries while you are his subordinate at work, you might be best served at gradually backing away from this friendship until he is no longer your boss.

Since you've already purchased the jersey and cannot return it, go ahead and give it to him, but I suggest some self examination at what is driving you to buy such an extravagant and inappropriate gift for someone you work for.
 
umfan is right. Go to work, keep your head down, do your job to the very best of your ability, go the extra mile professionally when you can and go home when the day is over. Don't get involved with all of this nonsense. These are lean times, kiddo. Know what Sweetie Pie got for Christmas? That's right, a ratty old piece of scrap fabric that I used to destress in my spare time. I would venture a guess that in nearly 30 years I know him at least as well as you know some climber in a restaurant. It didn't cost $150 either.

Use that $150 for something nice for your mother.
 
MarcB said:
The Union threw out the write up I got for calling him "bro." They said it was the stupidest thing they ever heard of. He's close with several other people he works with, not just me. I don't know about the others, but he has told me that he doesn't think of us as boss and employee - just co-worker and friend.
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I supervised many people over my working career and if any of them had called me "Bro" I would have taken it as a casual address with no reason to get agitated. OTOH, I would not have addressed my vice-president or a customer that way because it doesn't fit the interaction. "Bro's" are friends and may be co-workers but there has to exist some formality between worker and big boss or else supervision gets out of hand. But now you know where you sit with the person that filed the complaint. I would ignore that person unless some interaction is required by my job. If you have to deal with that person in the future keep it formal and professional. They obviously have skin that is way too thin.
 
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