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VO demo critique, if you have a moment

A

ArtyBoy

Frequent Participant
Hello! Lately I tweaked my commercial/explainer voiceover demo, and I'm wondering if it was a good thing. I seeing I'm getting a pretty steady stream of visitors to my site, but then I'm not hearing anything from them!

Asking for critique invites criticism, meaning if you ask people to find faults, they will, whereas listening passively as your intended audience ordinarily would, they would think everything was fine. However, getting listens without buys is triggering a touch of insecurity! So here is the demo. How does it strike our pros and degreed fans here?

 
The thing that immediately stands out is the sibilants on some of the hard ess sounds in the opening seconds.
"And SSCHTILL got to the dry cleaners".
"Looking for a HOUSCHE?"
"Airlines underSCHTAND turbulence"

This might be a regional accent, but it sounds weird to me.

Also, try different types of copy. Try adding a harder sell, or a straight narration.
 
You have potential as one of those lighter different voices that stand out. I would add processing and use a D-esser before sharing more of my work. With that said V/O is a cut throat business and most good gigs are given to actors. Why I'm hearing 'J Peterman' from Seinfeld and he sure sounds good. Even the Arby's guy makes me hungry, although he does the Army spots and I certainly don't want to join
 
The last two clips were from actual paid projects, one being for an agribusiness and the last being for a financial planning company in Miami via an animator in Los Angeles. You can see how that turned out here:
.

I'll work up something hard sell.

Anybody else?
 
I like this demo much better. My favorite is the Ford dealer read. I think it sounds more natural than some of the softer reads in the first demo.
 
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